"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"
So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose ... you must be a BUNNY RABBIT!" [The little blind bunny was so pleased at this that he danced with joy.] The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"
The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him!
...But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"
"Duh; you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Og enda én:
Why are laboratory scientists switching from rats to lawyers for their experiments?
1. lawyers are more plentiful than rats
2. the lab technicians don't get as attached to the lawyers
3. there are some things a rat just won't do
4. neither the animal rights activists nor the human rights activists get all upset about it
What's the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments? It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.
Det var alt for idag. Latter gjør godt.
Husk: Advokater er mennesker. De er kanskje ikke perfekte (langt derifra) og de forsurer livet ditt nesten like mye som "barnevernet", men de forsøker tross alt å holde "barnevernet" unna livet ditt. Derfor må vi tenke pent om dem. Vi må tilgi dem, akkurat som vi gjør med våre fiender. De er bare en del av den sure pakken som heter "barnevernet". Helst burde "barnevernet" og advokatene blitt låst inne i et rom uten vann og drikke. Om 5-6 år kunne vi åpnet døren. Hvem ville ha overlevd lengst? Uten tvil advokatene.
Siste: Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really good people.
“ Whoever may be guilty of abuse of power, be it Government, State,
Employer, Trade Union or whoever, the law must provide a speedy
remedy. Otherwise the victims will find their own remedy. There
will be anarchy.” Lord Denning (1899-1999)